serves a sausage baguette with watermelon BBQ sauce. All together now, THAT IS RACIST.
Pizza Crust = “Pizza Bones”
Im the spit image of my father right now: driving to Vegas, gray hair, coffee, glasses, listening to Vicente Fernandez minus the driving on braille part.
and maybe i can’t make things sound as beautiful as the best poetry
all i know is that cars drive by, all headed to different places
and me, i sit here and at times I’m them and drive too
but no matter where i go i keep occupying familiar spaces
i wanna feel like i’m going places too
I fell into the trap this Christmas. That “missing being with somebody” trap. And I thought I was doing good too. Boy was I wrong. It’s a Thursday just like any other day but this feeling just engulfs your whole body and just makes you extremely vulnerable during the holidays. Seeing her today was nice though. Like really nice although she seemed to hardly break a smile. I had to give her the gift I had thought of getting her a while back and wanted to drop off something for her family who were nothing but awesome to me for the past years. So awesome in fact that even driving there I was wondering if I was doing the right thing of putting myself in that position to feel like I’m “family” again when the truth is I’m not anymore. Plus, I have a bone to pick with my new iPod. It’s not right for it to play “Time and Time Again” by the Counting Crows at a time like this. We’re supposed to work as a team man and that shit let me down. The last thing I needed was to get choked up on my way there. Anyways, I’ll have a talk with it later.
I never understood this longing to spend the holidays with someone. I guess cause in the past years I had someone. At the moment you think, “Ok, it’s Christmas. I have someone, they’re right next to me and they’re being a bitch.” What’s the big deal right? This was never the case with Lissette though. Hardly ever played the role of the bitch. How I wish I could have her next to me now. If she was, I think we’d even forget it was Christmas and just be there, together, no clue of the time. I mean it’d be pretty hard to ignore that it’s Christmas but you get the idea. Being in love puts blinders on you and you ignore so much that just seem to collapse on you when you’re back in soloville. Tiny details like how…fuckin…slow…time…goes…by. I miss the “oh shit, it’s 1AM already?” nights when all we did was lay there and listen to music and make ourselves laugh all night.
Just to roll another Counting Crows reference, it’s definitely been a long December. Too damn long. I get these feelings of wanting to escape just being alone feeling lame at home and decide to take a drive, even though no matter where you go you’re alone there too. Drive 10, 20, 400, 6000 miles, you’ll be there alone. Just you. And there’s millions out there rocking the same vibe as me but it’s tough for a newbie after what seemed to be something long term. I tell myself I’m doing good for a while and then boom, out of nowhere, I feel like I should be nestled in some corner in the fetal position but I can’t cause I’d be at work and that’d be like “sooooo weird” or if I do it on the street someone might fuck around and call 911 or some shit. I don’t need that. I think we’re all allowed our Half Baked Sir Smokes Alot break down moments.
Who knows what’s to come in the new year. What’s the vibe gonna be in a month or two. I’d like a change of scenery as far as surroundings. A new city. A new job. A new a lot of things. For some reason, no matter what new anything it is that I feel I need it’s never a new person to spend it with. It’s always her I have in mind to experience all this “new” with. But you can’t have it all folks and as many of you have I’m sure experienced or will one day experience. I start to wonder about that “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” I don’t know man, losing fuckin blows. Ever since the break up, I’ve been given your typical as well as great advice but I don’t listen to it. I refuse to. At such a critical state all I wanna do is listen to me and my stupid genius ideas on how to deal with. I guess this behavior is yet another way of teaching myself a lesson. By the end of all this, I’ll be able to teach a course in how not to handle break ups. Either way, before I ramble anymore on FUCKIN Christmas Eve (Geez, how lame is that?) I’ll wish all of you a great holiday. And if you’re exchanging gifts with your significant other tonight, keep in the mind, the best gift of all is her/him. Night ya’ll.
I’m debating it but I hear people can get kinda mean on there. Esa madre me da miedo.